Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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