it hurts more in the daytime
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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