Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize