based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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