Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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