either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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