I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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