she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
