what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
