Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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