I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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