giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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