why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
