The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
