And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
