is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
