Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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