I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
