I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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