Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
