I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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