I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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