ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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