I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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