At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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