your parents love me but you hate me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
