going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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