tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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