I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Text me some of your sweat
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