it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i permit you to call me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
