the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
