I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
