I love black thongs
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
