I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
