You're completely useless in the revolution.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
