I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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