but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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