Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
