Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
