He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
