i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
