I am puke
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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