Please, let me fuck your mom
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
