It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is Oprah even human
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
