I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
