my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
