You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
