I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
try to milk me bitch
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