guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
