Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
