Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
